Sunday, December 12, 2010

Hot Date

Deciding the girl less likely to disembowel you for forgetting her birthday is the better option, you plump for the one on the left, who looks familiar but who you can’t quite place. Leaving it to Zenith to intrude, you follow his lead until he has seated himself before the barbarian then slide into the seat beside him. Nervous introductions aren’t as bad as you thought, as the dark haired girl seems genuinely happy about the new company. You notice how she takes advantage of the opportunity to slide away from the warrior woman somewhat...a move that is noticed and scowled upon by who you now realise is Niamh, a Celtic barbarian...and Slaine’s wife! Before you have time to warn Zenith, a couple of things happen at once. First, a tiny robot pops up out of your date's cleavage, causing her to break off in the middle of telling you her name and look down at her chest as the tiny robot points at something out on the dance-floor. “Aye caramba!” the cigar-shaped robot says, and you instantly realise who you are looking at. “Target in sight, SeƱorita! No more time for party, ees time to work!” At exactly the same time, Zenith – feeling a more intimate approach is required in order to get Niamh’s attention – leaves his chair and moves behind the table to slide in beside the warrior, nonchalantly lifting her sword out of the way and plonking it onto the table! The desired effect is achieved by Niamh turns her full attention on him, snarling as she reaches for the sword. Samantha Slade has risen from the table by now and is in the process of slipping away, pushing Stogie back down between her breasts and excusing herself saying she has some ‘urgent business’ to attend to. Not quite knowing where to look, you are further distracted by a commotion on the stage, and you turn to see Slaine - having tossed down his microphone - grab the on-stage Christmas tree by its upper half and lift it off the floor, swinging it back over his shoulder like a club.

As he jumps off the stage and comes charging towards your booth, his body twists and contorts and he undergoes a terrifying warp-spasm! “Get away from my WOMAN!” he roars, a geyser of blood erupting from the top of his head. Zenith gasps and looks at Niamh in shock. “You’re married?!?” he splutters, before turning to face the oncoming freight train that is Slaine’s wrath.

Do you...

Git while the gittin’s good and follow Samantha to see what she’s up to, or...

Stick around to give Zenith, erm, some moral support?