Sunday, December 12, 2010

On the Jazz

You make your way through the tables as Anderson sings up a storm, dancing gracefully on the stage as the Judge musicians build their jazz to a crescendo. You find it almost impossible to take your eyes off the blonde bombshell, bumping a number of seated patrons as you seek out a chair of your own. Before you know it you are up before the stage, where there is a single vacant - but cluttered - table. Sliding into a seat, you are surprised to find a nice, warm cushion beneath you...and even more surprised when the cushion yelps and pushes you off! Jerking upright, you look down to find a strange creature with a long nose and a coat of downy white hair all over its body staring up at you fearfully.

“Oh my poor heartses!” it gasps, clutching its chest. “You nearly crush me, Misters!” “I'm sorry!” you hiss, taking the seat alongside the Gronk, as you hear a note of anger creep into Anderson’s voice. You look up to find the Judge has stepped off the stage to stand before your table and is glaring at you as she sings. She places one hand on the table top and leans forward so her eyes draw level with yours, scowling as she continues her song. Mouthing the word “sorry”, you try your hardest to hold her gaze, but are too aware that in this position her breasts are spilling out of her low-cut dress. Desperately trying to resist the temptation, your resolve is broken when the Gronk peeks up over the edge of the table to get an eyeful, gasps “Oh my poor heartses!” again, and falls off his chair in a faint. That does it for you and you can’t help but drop your eyes to stare into Anderson's cleavage. Unbidden, you conjure up an image of what her uncovered breasts might look like...and that is all it takes. Anderson slaps the table and stands up straight, clicking her fingers at somebody behind you. “Bad move, creep,” a gravelly voice over your shoulder says. Swallowing hard, you feel the tap of a day-stick on your shoulder and know exactly who is standing there. Getting slowly to your feet, you turn to face your worst nightmare...and have to fight to suppress a laugh at how he has dressed, in a waiter's outfit, and carrying a bottle of wine!

Do you...

Face up to your faux pas and hope Dredd goes easy on you, or...

Make a drokking run for it!