Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Covet a Barbarian's...

Finding yourself strangely attracted to the wild-looking barbarian – who looks familiar but who you can’t quite place - you decide to take a chance and have a go with her, reasoning that you may as well enjoy yourself while you hunt for the Zrag intruder. Leaving it to Zenith to make the intrusion, you follow his lead until he has seated himself before the more civilised-looking of the two then slide into the seat alongside him. It quickly comes to the light that your choice was a poor one - the warrior is in no way interested in talking to you and affords you nothing more than a disdainful glance as you attempt to engage her in conversation. Your introduction is met by deaf ears and all you receive in response to your questions are grunts and snarls. Beside you, it’s a different story, as Zenith and the dark-haired girl appear to be getting on like a house on fire – a fact not missed by your companion, who is glaring fiercely at an oblivious Zenith. Desperate to get her chatting you reach out to take hold of one of her hands, and are about to comment about how...strong...it is, when there is a loud commotion on the stage behind you. Finally, the warrior woman speaks, but it is only to smirk and say: “Big mistake!” Turning to look over your shoulder, you are in time to see Slaine - having tossed down his microphone - grab the on-stage Christmas tree by its upper half and lift it off the floor, swinging it back over his shoulder like a club.

As he jumps off the stage and comes running at you, his body twists and contorts and he undergoes a terrifying warp-spasm! “Get away from my WOMAN!” he roars, a geyser of blood erupting from the top of his head. It’s only then you realise the woman you’ve been attempting to chat up is none other than Slaine’s wife Niamh, a realisation that comes too late...and is the last you ever have. A moment later, Slaine is swinging the Christmas tree so its pot smashes into your head...and then, everything is black.

The End.

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